if i believed in asking for gifts, Japanese toymaker Bandai's "Mugen Puchi-Puchi" a perpetually regenerating square of bubble wrap, would be at the top of my list.
i read about this in the NYT magazines Year in Ideas and spent a solid twenty minutes online looking for how to own this genius gadget but apparently im not genius enough to work through the japanese online shopping process.
also apparently im not the only one whose heart quickens at the thought of an endless popping spree.
probably for the better. if i got my hands on this it would likely cost me my job.
speaking of my job.
and office christmas parties.
that happened .
though id say mine was a faaar cry from S's classy shindig.
first of all we had a 200 dollar budget for 8 people. which is ridiculous. student government at dartmouth was more generous. but its typical of the "special child" boston office of my company. we are totally neglected by our parents.
They actually forgot to ring us into the worldwide conference call the other day. we just sat in the conference room for twenty minutes staring at the phone until my boss worked herself into an insulted rage and tore five new assholes and got us a private session with the CEO.
Anyway, alchys that they are, the team decided to spend about 20 dollars of that budget on food and 180 on wine and beer. and then we went to a funky underground bar where my boss ordered us a round and re-named the event "haze-the daiz" and proceded to pressure me into chugging a gin and tonic. it was actually a great night. they know how to have fun and i feel surprisingly safe around them.
skip to the next morning ive got six women sitting around and on my desk scarfing the six orders of dunkin donuts hash browns that id brought in for all of them upon receiving an email that said: "WTF NEWBIE YOURE LATE..... jk. bring greasy food!"
Id like to share with you all a snippet of the convo that occured between me and my boss infront of the whole office. She has the energy of a kid who forgot his ridillin:

D - i'm pretty sure i heard the term "unshaved beavs" at some point last night.
Boss- you bet your ass you did. That was the lamest bachelor party i'd ever seen. I was like go to a strip club, you pussies. and they were like, oh well, i guess there's Centerfolds and i was like, dude, no, take it from me, the ladies there are nastay. nastay. and thats probably about when you heard the term unshaved beavs. im guessing. but seriously, one of them had a balloon. really? a balloon? what is this a baby batch? come ON! someone drop trau and get this party started! I mean when i thew my best friend a bachelorette party, i hired a midget to dress like an oompa loompa and handcuffed him to her. I was like heres your oompa loompa, do with him what you will. Now that's a party.


Friday turned out to be highly unproductive not just because everyone was hungover but also because around 1:00 while we were all on a call with a number of other offices, a perfectly calm voice came on over the loud speaker instructing us that there had been a BOMB THREAT IN THE BUILDING and we were to proceed calmly to the elevators.
well that clearly isn't how it went down. i was getting the eff outta there.
some dumbass (not from my team) was stupid enough to suggest we uphold the elevator capacity.
i was like PILE ON PEOPLE THIS COULD BE THE LAST LOAD CRUSH EM IN BODY SURF IF YOU HAVE TO GODDAMNIT JUST GET IN THERE.
and then we get outside and the boston bomb squad isnt telling anybody anything so everyone decides it would be a good idea to huddle about five feet from the entrance... uhhhm. HELLO? WHAT PART OF BOMB DONT YOU COMPREHEND?!
turned out to be a false alarm but my team declared it an official work-from-home day and got out of there before someone could tell us the coast was clear.
I had a pretty low key weekend after that. (i mean where can you go but down after a bomb scare) and then yesterday L left me to go back to denver for jury duty, of all the inconvenient things....
so tonight i walked from work to the Trident bookstore and cafe on Newbury st where i flirted with the guy who made me my havarti avocado tomato and honey mustard sandwich on toasted hallah which i ate while reading from a collection of W.H. Auden poetry.
i highly recommend him. i also highly recommend sitting along in a cafe reading. i also highly recommend walking in the dark in the wind.
between auden, alone time and wind rushing through my mouth and out my toes, i feel pretty cleansed right now.
going to bed now. loving you all.
D