Everything is amazing, nobody is happy . . .

A funny video that I ran across.

While the guy goes a bit over the top to make his point, it's still good to hear and remember

From Sugar Lumps to Disco D*cks

The Flight of the Conchords ace it again!



This one goes out to D (in honor of her office email)

on a different note, my breasts are officially able to double as deadly weapons. I've taken a few yoga classes and there is a certain pose that you get into before going into snail pose or the shoulder stand where your feet are over your head on the floor (some help here L?), in that pose my breasts push into my neck and cut off my air circulation. that's right, i choked myself with my own bosom. bet that's not a sentiment you hear every day. personally i find it hilarious, albeit a bit of a damper on my yoga. it could be my new party trick!

am i the last one to see this?

AMAZING

oh i wish this would just happen in real life....daily

cupcakes and tennis

so this weekend in hanover with j we discovered 2 very important things necessary to a good party:
cupcakes (preferably with funfetti)
and the willingness to just dance your little heart out, despite a room of engineers staring at you

having some fun-loving germans doesn't hurt either.

j's roommate sven was heading back to germany and so there was a big sendoff including dancing (mostly done by me and j and sven who, "loves the disco!"), lots of food and j's other roommate sulking around grumpily. it really was a FANTASTIC time. some top moments include:
--having j clean my dress not once but twice throughout the evening as i continually ended up looking like one of those grubby kids from annie
--taking 4-5 catnaps in j's room over the course of the evening, one of the many perks of not having to leave the house
--j dancing with sven and continually yelling out "no sven! I am leading!"
--my being awkward with some guy who asked for my "contact information" (his words), and telling him "my phone doesn't work, all my calls go through j"
--sven thinking j had been abducted by the 2 swedes who were also in attendence at the party

really, what more could you ask for in a party? the only thing that would have made it better would have been if there had been the full blog in attendence

on a different, equally ridiculous but far less festive note i had an interview with a test prep company on monday. we were supposed to prepare a 5min non-academic topic to teach to the other people interviewing. i had prepared (or more truthfully had stolen craig's topic) "how to score a tennis match", pretty basic, straightforward and hopefully interesting (i had even thought up some tennis jokes including one about how zero is called "love"). anywho there are 12 of us there, and the instructor asks who wants to go first, wanting to get it over with i volunteer but so did another guy, being nice i let him go ahead. MIS-TAKE
he gets up there and what does he do? "okay, i'm going to teach HOW TO SCORE A TENNIS MATCH"

really? REALLLY????

i spent the next five minutes frantically searching through my purse for other potential topics:
how to put on chapstick? the many uses for a headband?

five minutes later i awkwardly get up and say "i am also going to teach about how to score a tennis match..." long pause followed by 5 more min. of my awkwardly teaching the SAME MATERIAL. there were no laughs at my tennis jokes, and all of my "any questions?" comments were met with blank stares

really.

also from the test prep interview, i realized the great divide in the grad school exams, the LSAT kids vs. the MCAT ones in particular. there were only 3 trying out for the MCAT, the first guy was clearly petrified and taught how to play chess, saying things like "the mighty bishop is a powerful tool" but his hands kept shaking so much he kept knocking the pieces over, the 2nd MCAT guy taught "how to orient yourself in the woods using only a stick". enough said. and the 3rd (a girl) taught how to treat a stab wound.

not planning on getting that job. sigh.

i think that pretty much sums up my week/weekend. i guess i really did get good use out of that "humor is best used at the moment of awkwardness" fortune...

on a more jazz-hands based note....hugh jackman's opening at the oscars? A-MAZING also the oscars were so watchable/intersting this year. weird right? but also great! who's counting down to the tonys???

I think me and Obama have a connection

It seems to me that for most of Obama's momentous occasions I have had the pleasure to post.  Today being not different.  Now I must admit I did not watch his speech in real time, nor did I even watch it in the correct order, I was relegated to watch it in broken segments, which together documented the entire speech, but wasn't quite the same thing.  It was sorta like watching a movie with commercial breaks to pee and run your household errands.  So in that regard I was happy for my disjuncted viewing.  

But I will not really discuss his speech except to say I am proud to have any man be my president who gives Biden a shot out to the effect of "Nobody messes with Biden" and also walks into a room and gives man soul connecting hugs.  I approve that. 

What my real topic of conversation today is about fear and hope. Which also can easily be discussed in Obama's speech, but instead I will discuss personal fear and hope.

So everyday I sorta rush home to look in my mailbox.  I walk down my street peering to see if anything large or small is in my mailbox.  Who am I kidding, mainly large. I am a strong believer that everything is better if it is bigger, except for portable electronic devices, those should always be small and beautiful.  But envelopes on the other hand should be large.  Large enough to pour out confetti and ballons.  Large enough to contain my dreams and aspirations in them.  But I guess no envelope is actually that large, except for maybe the solar envelope .  But that is me.  I walk home anticipating an envelope that may or may not come.  And even with that anticipation I realize that I will most likely find out through e-mail what my semi immediate fate will look like, but either way there is a lot of fear and hope involved and as I shove my hand in the mailbox I try to sense whether or not I can feel my future or just the cell phone bill of my roommate.  

It is funny either way there is a lot of fear and hope involved.  I have no clue what I will be doing in 4 short months.  I could be here in H-Town, I could be back home, I could be in a box, I could be anywhere doing anything.  And that is what I am realizing.  J you can do anything, anything at all.  Kinda crazy.  Yes we have all been told that the world is open for us, we just need to be open to it, but with fear of not slacking and using our very expensive education wisely I think we have all gotten a tad worried.  I too.  I have been offered to stay here doing what I am currently doing, for another year.  And people are expecting me to.  It is interesting how all this is playing out.  I could stay here and really become a resident of the upper valley or I could become the resident of Chile, or Vietnam, or the UK, or San Fran.  I just don't know what it is that would be best.  So I think a lot, I read a lot, I write a lot, I eat a lot, I watch terribly wonderful tv shows and movies a lot and seem to just want to keep doing everything well, a lot. 

I also realized that I am starting to rank my priorities in life, and things are not ranking as I once imagined them to be for myself, or at least for this stage of my life.  Adventure is moving up on the list and normalcy is moving down, along with that is following  a given path.  In the past week I have contemplated over a dozen things I could do for the next year of my life.  Most of which are totally out of right field, things my parents might have heart attacks if they found out about and where never part of my thought process before.  And they cause a lot of fear but also give me a lot of hope and make me realize that maybe I shouldn't walk home everyday expecting for my mailbox to bring me the next clue to my future, but I should be more aggressive about getting what I want out of life, even if what I want changes everyday.  So how I am going to be more aggressive I don't know, but world watch out there is a kidult on the loose who carries her own confetti and ballons.

Mustard Flowers, Mistakes, and Money

So I haven't fallen into a ditch somewhere, I've just become really f0rgetful. Last weekend was a three day weekend, and those always screw up my day of the week counting, so I missed Sunday. Yesterday I guess I was just really tired and busy watching the Academy Awards, but I know that's not much of an excuse.

Anyhow here's what I've been up to:

1. I got an apartment! I officially received the keys to my new apartment in the city on Friday and tomorrow I am going to meet my neighbors in the 6 unit apartment building. It's beautiful - brand new kitchen with viking appliances, a big tub in my bathroom, high ceilings, working fireplace, and plenty of room for Knoxie to move in! I probably won't move in until April - but once I'm in you'll all always have a place to crash!

2. This weekend I had a group of friends up to Napa since Tyler is in town. Sepi came up from LA, Oliver came from NYC, and everyone in the Bay Area came as well. It was pretty great as always, despite the rain. Tyler drove me lisa and knoxie up (the car ride is often my favorite part of the weekend) and on the way we passed all of these amazing fields of mustard flowers. we finally stopped the car and went to play. See below picture!

3. There were a couple mistakes made in Napa. First I was sitting at a table with a bunch of people (including Ty) trying to tell the story of how I fell in love with Jarron in 5th grade while he was eating ice cubes. I was a little tipsy and ended up accidentally saying I fell in love with Ty in 5th grade. Tyler instantly looked very uncomfortable, I turned bright read, and Lisa shouted Freudian Slip! thanks lisie.... anyhow Ty seemed to get over it pretty quickly thank god. It was a total accident! And normally would not have been a big deal, except everyone knows I had a crush on him.

4. I've decided that marketing may not work out for me. I don't know if I just don't have a good enough foundation yet and I really need business school, or maybe it just doesn't match with my personality. Or maybe I just need more time until I'll start being good at it. But right now I'm not performing all that well which basically means it's not all that much fun. This led me to thinking about switching career paths and I settled on high school principal. However, then I googled principal salary. Let's just say the average salary is what I'm making right now. And that's for a principal! Assistant principals make less. I don't want to be the kind of person who bases my life off of doing things that make money instead of things that I love, but it's hard to image taking such a steep pay cut. And things like clothes, and travel, and fancy dinners, and giving presents - all cost money. And I love those things. I'm going to have to keep thinking about this one.

get em in a row.

Today at work i sent out an email about a call to "get everyones ducks in a row."
except i mistyped.
and switched a vowel.
in the word 'ducks.'
with an i.

anyone looking for a job might want to apply MY POSITION becauase its about to be open.

as a response (and to make me feel like less of a... duck) someone from one of my teams sent this around:

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess..
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: ...All of them? I've found the live ones put up too much of a fight.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No .
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive. And practicing law.

UPDATE: "L get up quickly, go to the room, take off your dress"

after j cleaned off the chocolate frosting (it involved removing the dress, scrubbing and a hairdryer)

i JUST spilt my drink on myself, which was quickly followed by the above quote....

i am now awaiting the twice cleaned garment 

"L is that chocolate frosting on your butt?"

a little tidbit from the last 24hrs, more on weekend in hanover to come.....

internet malfunction

Why?

internet malfunction

Why?

I know I said

I would swear off all men after the 10th failed attempt at a relationship with an engineer but today a man I have no clue about was searching for me.  ANd I still don't know who this mystery man is.  This is the scene.   The life coach sent me to give photographs to the goodlooking graphic designer, because I think he likes it when my life is funny and interesting, it is comic relief, so thus he sent me to interact with said cute guy.  There we talk about other photographs which may or may not have been on my desk.  So instead of reporting back directly to the studio I went to my desk.  There was told that someone came by 5 mins earlier searching for me. This is the description I got.  A tall curly black haired guy with glasses that sparkle in the sun.  I get intrigued and proceed to run.  Mainly I think that he had something for my job that I needed, and well I probably did need it.  I get down to the studio only to hear that said man had come down, asked for me and left in a matter of seconds.  And I ask who he was, no one knew, they just assumed it was "one of my many suitors" god I wish there were many/any at all.  But now I have been trying to piece together all the clues ppl have given me about this guy.  He seems beautiful.  A young man around my age, black trench coat, black hair, nice smile, tall, and looking for me!

But alas he is just a mystery.

"How many times am I supposed to look up “heliotrope”?

i worked with/latched onto jenny allen at the white oak conservation center last year. She barely survived cancer and managed to create an hilariously dry and gut wrenchingly powerful one woman show out of her experience, which she previewed for us at the center.
here is a shouts & murmurs article of hers i just found in the new yorker. its drenched in her disheveled self depricating humor. her plight with insomnia happens to also be very familiar to me. which is sad, since shes fifty. and im not. but i should be so lucky as to turn my sleepless nights into a new yorker article. i find her ability to refashion her life challenges into quiet unaffected pieces, not puke-inducing overly-optimistic soap box sessions, truly inspiring.
hope you all enjoy, it just gets better and better as it rolls along.

Awake
by Jenny Allen
June 2, 2008

I’m up. Are you up?

I’m trying to go back to sleep. But I’m awake. Awake awake awake.

That’s what Buddha said. Buddha said, “I am awake.” Buddha got that idea, that whole concept, from a middle-aged woman, I’m sure.

Not that this sleepless business ends after a certain age. I think you have to die first.

If you added up all the hours I’ve been awake in the middle of the night, it would come to years by now. Fifty may be the new forty, but, for the sleepless woman, fifty is the new eighty.

Thank you, that’s a very good idea, but I already took a sleeping pill. I fell asleep right away—it’s bliss, that drugged drifting off—but now I’m awake again. That always happens! I fall asleep, boom, and then, four or five hours later, I wake up—like it’s my turn on watch, like I’ve just had a full night’s sleep. But if I act as if I’ve had a full night’s sleep, if I get up and do things, I will be pitiful tomorrow. I will confuse the TV remote with the cordless phone and try to answer it. I will not notice any of my typos—I will type “pubic school” this and “pubic school” that in e-mails to people whose public schools I am looking at for my daughter. I will say, “I saw store at the Shelly,” and then I will have to make one of those dumb Alzheimer’s jokes.

I could take another sleeping pill, but I worry about that. I worry about liking sleeping pills too much. Sleeping pills always make me think of Judy Garland. Poor Judy.

It’s funny about the name Judy, isn’t it? No one names anyone Judy anymore—do you ever see five-year-old Judys?—but half the women I know are named Judy. You would probably be safe, when meeting any woman over fifty, just to say, “Nice to meet you, Judy.” Most of the time you would be right.

I am going to lie here and fall asleep counting all the Judys I know.

Thirteen Judys. Including my husband’s ex-wife. Who’s very nice, by the way.

I’m still awake.

keep reading....

fortune cookie

"Humor usually works at the moment of awkwardness"

this is what was in my fortune cookie last night

really? REALLY? it's not even a fortune, it's life advice which, yes, i know i need, and this is particularly apt but REALLY??

I will never look at sugar cubes the same way again

Flight of the Concords is back for a second season, and i think it is their last, but that means that there should be some more FOTC youtube video gold on the way! enjoy

so im back from mammoth and it was just lovely. i had forgotten how much i love skiing, funny that in the last four years i lived in a place with winter all around me and i only skied once. now im back in southern california and im all about the skiing (but that is the beauty of calfornia, beach and sun then a quick (5 hour) drive and it's mountains and snow.) course east coast skiing leaves a lot to be desired (like a desire for non-icy slopes), out west we have the good stuff. it snowed tuesday night so we had 10 inches of fresh powder wednesday and very few other people crowding the slopes. so nice.

DADDYS GONNA STAB YOU!!

my boss sent this to me and then insisted we all listen crowded around my cubicle. i was crying laughing.
Excuse the crazy images, just listen. juuuuuuust listen:

I am going to Venice!

Ok I haven't bought the ticket yet, but me and my sister are buying tickets on thursday if she can get here passport paperwork in order and here by spring break!

So I have been trying to figure out when I was going to visit cali and for many reasons spring break didn't feel right. So I made an executive decision that I can go visit cali in the spring and spring break was the time to be bold. And at travelocitys crazy cheap fares Venice won hands down.

So me and my sister did a bit of research and decided that we are young and single kidults who should go see europe, even if for only 4 nights, 5 days and 1 city.  It is the start and we are highly excited.  Even my parents who cringe at the thought of me and my sister buying a t-shirt thought this was a good idea and great deal.  Had my mother not purchased her flight to florida for the day after our departure she too would have joined us on our possible adventure.  My father declined on the invite and will stay with our animals instead.  So we are just going to have to buy him something pretty cool.

I can't think of anything else because I have decided to be super excited about this. I shall report back on thursday with hopefully great news.  Lets hope travelocity doesn't go up in price and my sister be able to take those days off.  Mommy has already told me I am not allowed to go alone, and I sorta agree with her on this one.

kareoke and office parties

late again with the post, but this means that i get to include the weekend festivities! woo! this was actually a semi-busy weekend, which was great, although let's be serious i'm usually quite content with tea, gummy and candy and a movie, but it was nice to have a weekend that didn't resemble quite so closely that of a grandmother

this past friday was my friend Michelle's birthday, and being that we are friends from doing ridiculous theater together freshman year, there was only one real way that we could celebrate:

80s kareoke.

after doing some online research we came upon what appeared to be a real gem: "Razzys". when you walk in (also note, there is basically nothing else around razzys, except for a carwash and some apartments) it appears to be what i imagine a bar in small-town nebraska looks like, teeny-tiny with a flashing budlight sign BUT! then you make your way to the "back room", which is complete with bar, lovely spray paint decor and a small dance floor/kareoke stage. we got prime seats for the group and lined up some kareoke gems (the kareoke book of options at razzys had around 5,000 options, no joke). and i have to say, the crowd at razzys was very supportive, no judgment just love for the kareoke, and there was QUITE the range of songs (and talent....) from the guy who was in all black and stood completely still except for a slight hip-twisting and sang tom jones "she's a lady" to the goth girl who got up and sang carrie underwood (question mark?) to the wonderful gay man in argyle who rocked out to cher to a scrawny guy who sang rocket man by elton john and then proceeded to run around the dance floor with his arms out like an airplane, which led the guy at the table next to me to say "i want to be on what he's on" to the bar's owner, nancy, who is quite the raspy-voiced broad who did 2 songs over the course of the night including "proud mary". i myself (along with others) did "total eclipse of the heart" and "joy to the world" (as in "JERMIAH WAS A BULLFROG!" not the holiday song). the other wonderful thing about kareoke at razzys was that the kareoke dj sang the backup vocals for every single song. i mean everything - from bruce springsteen to cher.
one of the top moments of the night was, after a few pretty high energy songs, a guy gets up and announces that he's going to sing "walking in memphis", we all sort of settle back for a more low-key couple of minutes, and it starts off as expected but then SUDDENLY he takes a turn very similar to that of the wedding singer singing "total eclipse of the heart" in Old School, and he launches into "i'm f***ing walking in memphis. i'm f***ing walking with my feet ten feet off of beale..." and so continues like that for the rest of song, (note, the dj didn't miss a beat, chiming in with the background "i'm f***ing walking in memphis" at the appropriate parts) the guy then ended it with "Suck it!", with everyone in the bar looking shell shocked and slowley clapping him off the stage. all in all it was a FANTASTIC night, followed by sleep and a big birthday brunch the next day. when you all visit, get excited for some razzys, i won't force you to sing (although i would love to hear "S" sing one of her favorite kanye songs) GET EXCITED PEOPLE!

saturday was made up of brunch, a trip to a musuem with some dartmouth people, and then d's office dinner! and i just want to say that after reading d's posts about these people i felt a mixture of terror/"they can't POSSIBLY be as ridiculous as all that", and let me just say, d's descriptions were spot on.
spot.
on.
that said, they were all WONDERFUL, and so nice to me as the awkward "significant other" (question mark?), there was fantastic greek food and ridiculous, amusing conversation. i think the biggest thing (which d's talked about a lot, but i thought i'd say again) was how amazingly PASSIONATE these people are, not just about their jobs but about their lives in general, i'm speaking mainly of d's boss, but all of them really seemed to have their stuff together, it was very inspiring, and made me want to be more active in figuring out my own life....on that note, i made a list today of things i need to work on achieving, it ranged from trying to learn the most i can out of the current job, and not getting passive about it, to trying to cook more, to reading more (i was in a bookstore last night and decided that if i can make time to keep up with the office than i definitely have time to read all the books i want to)

alright, that's it for now...

where is detention?

Because I've been truant. And I'm sorry for the super late posting. I've been posting-blocked. At the moment I'm in the mountains (with shady internet) and hopefully some inspiration will come. The full moon illuminated snowy landscape is proving to be a good start.

12:03 am

this is the sentence i just wrote:
"...For example, moving forward only power distribution units and remote power panels with branch circuit monitoring will be purchased, allowing the company to take measurements as close to the load as possible. The company will also be taking advantage of maintenance windows to install metering devices at critical distribution points, again to facilitate accurate and meaningful measurements..."

guys. really, im tired. tired of this.

L came to an office dinner thrown by my greek coworker at her house on saturday and L saw with her own eyes that everything id said was true about the marvelous manic people i work with. maybe she can describe further some of the antics she witnessed. but im so glad that she did witness it all, because now when i come home agonizing over the huge gaping breach between my feelings for the people and my feelings for the job, shell know it not just relative. they really are fantastic.

half hour ago i blew up at my mom when she told me to go into office a little later tomorrow since i was working late tonight. im wracked with guilt for yelling at her, even if she was flippant and patronizing, because that shit i just wrote, that scramble of "knowledge" thats slowly eating the good side of my brain, is not worth yelling at someone i love over. its not even worth being up this late for. and yes, i now consider 12:00 to be late.

maybe im mostly upset because i read a blog post by a friend living in Peru about not asking: where do i go from here? what is the right next step? instead just being open to change, open to opportunity... and i understand that those principles got her where she is now, to what i can only comprehend to be a heavenly situation, but on nights like this i can't seem to even imagine that applying to me. i feel trapped and too weak to push off the things that have fallen on me or, a greater form of weakness, give up the things that have been given to me.

sorry to be a downer but i waited all day to see if it would wear off and it didnt. so... tough beans.

Nothing Specific/ Updates

Important things this week and next: I survived layoffs, Tyler gets home Tuesday (YAY!), and I might have an apartment in San Francisco two weeks from today! This week was another exhausting week - we're still working on this big strategy refresh and I have to do all this analytical work that was definitely not part of my socy major and that I'm definitely not very good at it. I can't tell you how frusturating it is to have to do something that I'm not good at and that I keep screwing up. But hopefully we'll be onto a new, less number oriented project soon!

Other than work-- this week I went to the weirdest play ever - "In the Next Room" also known as "The Vibrator Play". Seriously this was basically an awful porno that was mostly clothed and set right after electricty was invented. There was even a bit of nudity at the end. I'm definitely reading the previews closely before I agree to go see another play! Then my Saturday included me and knoxie going to dinner and movie and passing out at about midnigtht and then we spent all of Sunday (or at least until 2:30pm) watching TV in our pajamas and reading magazine to recover from our "crazy" night. I love that Knoxie is just as exhausted as I am from work so I don't have to feel bad about being so lazy!!

Is anyone coming out to visit soon? Please do! Oh and this next weekend my dad is playing in a golf tournament that Justin Timberlake is playing in. Instead of being a good daughter and watching my Dad play - I'm totally stocking Justin. Maybe I'll have pictures of him next week!

Here are Santa Cruz pictures from last weekend - A day on the beach (amazing 70 degree weather! and my sunburn went away very quickly), work D being ridiculous (even though he's in a happy relationship he seems to be determined to prevent all of his female friends from appearing available), and an evening watching the sunset (the pictures kind of dark but I promise it was beautiful!). A pretty good weekend!

she's bossy alright

last night my boss got into a fight at a restaurant with eight men.
they were drunk and said some seriously nasty things to her friend, who is pregnant, and who promptly burst into tears.
she didnt find out about the things they said until after she and her friend had left the place but upon hearing about them she marched back in and berrated them publicly, loudly and semi-violently-she'd had a few drinks herself.


thats impressive, both for her loyalty and for the cahones-factor.
whats really impressive is that it wasn't a rowdy bar it was a nice restaurant and she made a HUGE scene...
but who got kicked out?
the guys.
and who got their meal comped?
my boss.
now thats skill.
and this is someone i never, ever want to cross.

My List

I have decided along with becoming a kidult instead of an adult to create a list of things I want to do with my life and do in my life.  Here is the start of the list.  

1. Have a guinea pig as a pet

2. Learn to play the ukulele

3. Learn to play the piano

4. Have a little show in which i play the ukulele and piano and sing my own renditions of songs I like and most people probably don't

5. Be in the NY times for a good thing

6. Be in the NY times for two different good things on the same day.

the list isn't big yet, but wait until I have more time to add to it. 

dc and duck decoys

so i know i've begun my last 4 posts with the "sorry! ugh, so late posting!" but i really AM sorry, and i know this one is particularly late (almost a week.....) but here i am!
as D said we were in dc last weekend, i stayed an extra day/night since i didn't have work on monday. it really was a lovely weekend, exactly what i needed. it was wonderful to see "g", who really did give a fantastic job hosting and showing off some fun stuff and i loved being amongst the monuments, etc., it made me want to grab a quill and write something on parchment. i got sick though on my last night which was really unfortunate as was my flight being canceled the next day, but i am home! and greeted by D and a box of cookies.

i worked today, helping set up for the next sale in a week, i spent around 3 hours sorting various duck decoys, which sounds boring but was in fact supremely satisfying organization-wise, i was literally putting my ducks in a row (haha? yes?....anyway) i also organized all these portrait miniatures, some of which were beautiful and old and others which were TERRIFYING. i mean truly. if i were a parent of some of these children i would not only have never hired a painter, but possibly never allowed them outside. i don't mean ugly children, i mean they look like they're out of the exorcist. but hopefully someone wants them....?? question mark? also, i looked down at myself at the end of the work day and realized, that not only did i have a wad of masking tape awkwardly stuck to my side but also random patches of dirt (from the ducks?) on various parts of my body/clothing, i looked like one of the grubby children from annie.

anyways, i will try and be more timely in my next post! i think a colby theater friend and i are trying out this 80s kareoke bar this weekend (yes that's right, and get excited for when you all come visit.....total eclipse of the heart anyone?), so hopefully there will be stories!

random, but to continue with j's flight of the conchords post, this one is so random but one of my favorites i think....

The age of the Kidult

I have spent the last 2.5 glorious days hanging out with my life coach and this jewelry artist I shall refer to as Coops.  Coops is so very funny and very real and does everything you shouldn't do but want to including end a slideshow lecture with a close up picture of his butt.  It was in his jeans, but still a huge shot of his butt.  And everyone knows that the last slide of an informative lecture generally is up the longest because there is always a Q&A at the end.  So I got very familiar with Coops butt.  

But what was most interesting about these past 2.5 days has not been just how incredibly talented and helpful this man is, but how I interacted with him and all the other adults.  I because of my job in the studio was the helper/handler/doer of all things needed but since I wasn't a student I got a lot more face time with Coops.  We hung out as equals and I have had dinner with people at least 30 years my senior for the last 3 days.  and I love it, I love every minute of it.  Being with them just makes me feel so happy about where I am in my life and then also puts a lot of pressure on me then also makes me question my future.  But I just stepped out of my brain and just enjoyed the ride.

I have become a tad bit obsessed with age.  Everyday I talk about how I am not an Adult.  I always like to remind the lifecoach that when he thinks I am an adult I am actually just a Kid.  I haven't given a valid argument as to why I am not an adult, but I just don't feel like an adult.  And over dinner since I am the butt of most jokes, which I am totally ok about my Lifecoach tells the table that he thinks it is crazy that I don't consider myself an  Adult.  And everyone agreed, but then this table of people all 50+ all said, I don't consider myself an adult either.  and they all looked at themselves in shock but not overly shocked.  And discussed how they haven't re-thought their adult status in the world since they were my age and they just feel like they are getting older but becoming an adult wasn't something they did.  But all agreed that the others were adults. It was an odd thing.  So Coops decided I was a Kidult.  A transitional, liminal some might call it, being.  One who isn't an adult, nor a child, but this in between stage that shares qualities of the two stages.  I looked the word up, it does exist but I don't like the meaning I found, it is described as an adult with childlike tastes.  Yes me and children like poptarts but we aren't just talking tastes here.  So then the table made me give examples of what makes them alien and me not, and I proceeded to talk of responsibilities and poptarts and the ability to fall flat on my face yet still have the chance to go home to mommy and daddy.  And then a funny thing happened.  They all felt that same way, that if something terrible could happen they could all return home and have a bed and food.  But not in the family will always support you way, in the I royally screwed up teenage way.  And I found that very interesting.  The one commonality was that none of these people had children.  They were all 50+ childrenless people.  And not having a "little creature" as one person referred to childen as, to take care of never made them feel the need to grow up.  

So what is growing up? it is just a stage in life? is it a feeling? what is it?  I guess I do see it as a product of a happening.  College use to be a marker, because well most people married right after college, but only the freaks do that now.  So buying real estate, is that it?  But so many people live their lives in apartments and never settle.  Having a baby, but that isn't a sure thing either.  And we all know my theory on adopting a tribe of children at 50 to make a baseball team.   

And now after much thought I have decided to be like the toys-r-us children and never to grow up, but instead remain a kidult for the rest of my life, and not look at it as a transitional stage but rather a sense of self and religion if I may.  I will ignore all the physical and chemical changes my body thinks will happen to it with age, I will continue to eat cake in heaps, have poptarts as snacks and just make friends who are older and older than me.  So at 50 I will hang out with 90 year olds. Remain the butt of the jokes but keep my youthful outlook.  That is until those youngsters want to play their music late or partake in any rambunctious behavior. But still work very hard at work and work just as hard to get the same satisfaction I got out of life when I was 9 getting a happy meal and ice cream with my dad.  There is something about that happiness that I am desperate to bottle and drink everyday.  So even if you don't consider yourselves kidults, you should still approach life with that same happiness and find old friends.  and part of that happiness must come from laughing hard, generally at yourself and having some sort of sweet on your face on a regular basis. 

DC- its the place to be

(i wrote this last night and forgot to post it, sorry!)

This weekend L and I went to DC. In my case it was to reconnect with H, one of my (semi long-lost recently-recovered but there-all-along) best friends from boarding school, and also to see miss JE or, as we knew her as a contributor, G.
(who is having some trouble posting and by trouble i mean shes doing what we all do when we want to do something and then dont do it and feel bad and avoid the shit out of it)

walking to H's house in the eastern market area (a block from the actual eastern market, home of an adorable old man who forced me to sample delicious cheese) i crossed pennsylvania ave and happened to look left and BAM there was the capital building lit up against the black sky under a HUGE crescent moon. the proportions were wild and the light was amazing and the fact that i was looking at the building LIVE as opposed to on tv was so incredible, i stopped dead in my tracks. and almost got hit by a bus.

seeing H was lovely. we did a marathon catch up chat session that lasted into the early morning hours. i remembered how incredible she is and how truly amazing it is that we met the first day of choate and were insta-friends who understood eachother deeply, and still do, despite our very obvious differences on some external fronts.

let me describe her room:
3 colors- white, pink and pastel green- on her walls, a GIANT foam cowboy hat that says EVERYTHINGS BIGGER AND BETTER IN TEXAS (example)

also, her old toe shoes, pictures of her from her debutante ball in pensacola florida (which i attended, and which she calls my crash-course in southern livin')her personalized paddle from kappaomegapiphiwhatever sorority and a framed picture of ronald reagan with the text of his parting speech along with an imbedded actual peice of the berlin wall.
....its nice to know the people i love and who love me dont have to align with me in every way.

the next day i went off to stay with G at her CHARMING house across town, where L had also just arrived, and thats when the most ridiculously thorough and entertaining DC night-life tour began:

im going to post the itinerary so everyone who goes to DC can hit these spots. sorry G if this is letting out your insider secrets but its a compliment to you and seriously, too good not to share.

Tryst
One of my life goals, and perhaps my ONLY life goal, is to create and own some kind of cafe/diner/specialty bookstore/performance space with loads of style, great music,fascinating challenging humorous comforting reading material, overstuffed chairs and sofas, oversized mugs of unique delicious drinks and a kitchen turning out grilled cheeses of every variety. Tryst is not all of those things, but it was a version of my vision and was filled with such joy (and success) that it allowed me to feel comfortable chasing the dream.
also, if you go to the website, click on i-saw-you-at-tryst. people can request to hear from the cutie in the argyle vest on the mustard yellow couch who they really wished theyd talked to. i LOVE THAT.

JoJos
We started our night here officially ordering a bottle of delicious riesling and sharing three entrees. then we did a round of drinks while listening to live jazz: the "woo woo" for L and some very irish coffee for G and me. soon the bar became a total scene and after enjoying ourselves and digesting, we snuck out.

busboys & poets
place number 2 that reinforced my desire to own and operate a unique hybrid space for arts food and community events. we didnt actually eat there, (thank god, we would have exploded) but we did stand in the bookstore area reading anti establishment texts and poetry (their specialty) and marvelling at the 25 books allready written about obama.

Gibson
A 1920s prohibition era style unmarked door speakeasy. they text you and you have 15 mins to get there. you ring the bell and a man comes out and looks at you like youre the pizza delivery boy until you say your name and number of people in the party. he leads you down a little nondescript hall and suddenly youre in an elegant bar: red banquets. dim lighting. drink list to boggle the mind. absynthe fountain. (?) G L and I each ordered a different drink and sat there trying to wrap our minds around the flavors in our mouth and the people in our midst.

bens chili bowl
Do check that link out. the place is a serious establishment. obama was just there. bill cosby is a regular. at 2 am there was a line almost out the door. it featured a complete cross section of DC society united by their common desire for what G instructed us was critical to try: the half smoke. essentially a grilled split hot dog smothered in chili onions and some other good stuff in there too im sure.
whoa. heart attack in a bun.

so when you all go to dc, i hope you check out these places.
im now determined to find a speak easy in boston. so far failing.

Sunday Swings

First - I've decided Sunday is a particularly moody day for me. I'm either thrilled because I've just finished a wonderful weekend or I'm totally stressed and upset because I didn't get the relaxation I needed in the past 48 hours. So just an FYI - don't necessarily take my posts as a representation of my state of mind.

Second - This was a good weekend. I went down to Santa Cruz with my friend D from work to celebrate one of his high school friend's birthday. The weather was amazing, I got very slightly sun burned from 3 hours of laying out on the beach, we went wine tasting, ate good food, and I realized that I've made a really good friend. The birthday party was a house party and it made me wish that Dartmouth didn't have frats or at least the frats were less dirty and the boys more friendly. Santa Cruz is one of those weird places where everyone smiles and waves to strangers and 50% of the residents are hippies. Anyhow after the house party I found out that this guy I had been talking to asked D if I was single. Not a big deal obviously, and nothing happened, but it's always nice you know? That kind of warm satisfying feeling knowing that someone who was interesting and fun was somewhat curious about you. I feel like I've totally gotten out of the dating loop. We're not in middle school any more (how did that happen?!) and it's like I don't know how relationships start and whenever I get close to something happening I get all panicky. But this weekend was relaxed and I actually had fun talking to a couple of guys and it made me feel like maybe it's not quite so scary. Anyhow I wish I had realized this much longer before valentines day (let alone like 4 years ago), but it was still a nice weekend. I'll post pictures of the beach next week once they're downloaded.

L is the best friend ever

So L sent me a cd for finishing my grad school application and portfolio.  Which firstly is such a nice gesture, one I would never do.  I would just probably offer to buy drinks instead because with graduation I feel all problems get solved with a few rounds.  But that wonderful quality L has just proves what a great mother she will be with all her sticky jam covered children.  

But as I spent the weekend really enjoying this cd I felt it wrong to just keep it to myself.  I played it for the j-shop and now I have decided to share the songs with you via youtube clips.  Hope you all enjoy as much as I do.

Am I the only one who wants a white rapper as a boyfriend? It can't be possible.  

These men should be given the title of sir or lord or something.

This song is amazing, I wish someone would try a little tenderness on me

Getting more old school by the second