I think me and Obama have a connection

It seems to me that for most of Obama's momentous occasions I have had the pleasure to post.  Today being not different.  Now I must admit I did not watch his speech in real time, nor did I even watch it in the correct order, I was relegated to watch it in broken segments, which together documented the entire speech, but wasn't quite the same thing.  It was sorta like watching a movie with commercial breaks to pee and run your household errands.  So in that regard I was happy for my disjuncted viewing.  

But I will not really discuss his speech except to say I am proud to have any man be my president who gives Biden a shot out to the effect of "Nobody messes with Biden" and also walks into a room and gives man soul connecting hugs.  I approve that. 

What my real topic of conversation today is about fear and hope. Which also can easily be discussed in Obama's speech, but instead I will discuss personal fear and hope.

So everyday I sorta rush home to look in my mailbox.  I walk down my street peering to see if anything large or small is in my mailbox.  Who am I kidding, mainly large. I am a strong believer that everything is better if it is bigger, except for portable electronic devices, those should always be small and beautiful.  But envelopes on the other hand should be large.  Large enough to pour out confetti and ballons.  Large enough to contain my dreams and aspirations in them.  But I guess no envelope is actually that large, except for maybe the solar envelope .  But that is me.  I walk home anticipating an envelope that may or may not come.  And even with that anticipation I realize that I will most likely find out through e-mail what my semi immediate fate will look like, but either way there is a lot of fear and hope involved and as I shove my hand in the mailbox I try to sense whether or not I can feel my future or just the cell phone bill of my roommate.  

It is funny either way there is a lot of fear and hope involved.  I have no clue what I will be doing in 4 short months.  I could be here in H-Town, I could be back home, I could be in a box, I could be anywhere doing anything.  And that is what I am realizing.  J you can do anything, anything at all.  Kinda crazy.  Yes we have all been told that the world is open for us, we just need to be open to it, but with fear of not slacking and using our very expensive education wisely I think we have all gotten a tad worried.  I too.  I have been offered to stay here doing what I am currently doing, for another year.  And people are expecting me to.  It is interesting how all this is playing out.  I could stay here and really become a resident of the upper valley or I could become the resident of Chile, or Vietnam, or the UK, or San Fran.  I just don't know what it is that would be best.  So I think a lot, I read a lot, I write a lot, I eat a lot, I watch terribly wonderful tv shows and movies a lot and seem to just want to keep doing everything well, a lot. 

I also realized that I am starting to rank my priorities in life, and things are not ranking as I once imagined them to be for myself, or at least for this stage of my life.  Adventure is moving up on the list and normalcy is moving down, along with that is following  a given path.  In the past week I have contemplated over a dozen things I could do for the next year of my life.  Most of which are totally out of right field, things my parents might have heart attacks if they found out about and where never part of my thought process before.  And they cause a lot of fear but also give me a lot of hope and make me realize that maybe I shouldn't walk home everyday expecting for my mailbox to bring me the next clue to my future, but I should be more aggressive about getting what I want out of life, even if what I want changes everyday.  So how I am going to be more aggressive I don't know, but world watch out there is a kidult on the loose who carries her own confetti and ballons.