sometimes, when i get nervous, i feel like im going to shit my pants.

well holy uncontrollable crap, i dont know if its just that since i graduated i basically eliminated deadlines from my life and the only stressful situations in my day involved containing my rage around tight faced puffy lipped cougars throwing crumpled cashmere sweaters at my face OR if its that this actually is the most utterly insane panic attack inducing period of my life.
i got a job. i accepted that job.
you four know that.
but i figured i should state it explicitly for our huge readership.
and now i am trying to align my schedule with my angel of a friend B's schedule who will be joining me (holding my hand) on a 36 hour journey to boston in which i must coordinate two brokers five individual room renters two extremely generous people giving us places to stay parking for barbara (the car) about 12 metro stops five different busses and somehow out of that mess, come away on thursday with a place to stay because i realistically need to be moving within the next two weeks.
im looking at places with three guys in their twenties in the center of boston, im looking at places with one girl in her thirties in the suburbs, i'm looking at an old victorian house somewhere totally out of my way just because the girl who would be my roomie seems wonderful, im looking at one bedroom apartments, im looking at studios in areas i just found out id have to be insane to live without a bullet proof vest, in otherwords, im looking at the most stressful two days of my life because i made teh appointments with no regard to where they were on a map and now realize that i will be zigging and zagging like a drunken horse all over the damn city on a metro system that makes no sense to me and busses that seem to run every 20 minutes which is enough to kill my day since i brilliantly booked things half an hour apart. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? i couldnt have made this harder for myself. i dont deserve a job in communications because i'm clearly the most illogical, scatterbrained, easily flustered person known to MAN.
FUCK.
ooh. am i allowed to swear on this site? i suddenly got all self conscious. well its not like our mothers are reading this. ah well. FUCK IT.
Can i just pass on one of my favorite stories from these past few days? i got to the point wher ei was feeling really good about this group of girls who had a room free in a nice house. we were talking on gmail, one of them facebooked me, she seemed pretty down to earth and i liked where the place was... so im talking to her on the phone and were about settled on a time to meet and she goes:
"oh, i figure i should let you know about this one thing... we really dont like the smell of food..."
um, im sorry, what?
"you know, cooking and stuff. we dont use the kitchen because it makes the whole place stink. so if youre one of those people who likes to like cook a lot of food and stuff, that might not work out."
........click.
after that i called a broker and started looking into one bedroom options.
one of the main reasons i see to do that, despite teh loneliness factor, is that if and when you ALL COME TO STAY WITH ME, you could stay for endless periods of time living in my living room/corner of my studio and i wouldnt have to answer to anyone about it...
keep it in mind.
and keep me in your prayers this week. if you read a story about a girls head exploding in Harvard square, i hereby bequest my monday spot to B.
love to you all
D
ps. check out (click on) this CHEEKY LITTLE T map i found online when i was searching for a printable version... it was only after ten minutes of searching for a stop that i realized the damn things all ANAGRAMS... which is why i couldnt find the boston college stop because it was listed as BOOTLEG CLONES. WHAT FUCKER THOUGHT THIS UP? DOES HE NOT REALIZE I DONT HAVE TIME FOR HIS SHENNANIGANS??