tonybaloney

sorry to take the thunder from L but since i endured it and its still playing in my mind and its much more interesting then work im going to report on the Tonys, which were... madness.
last night L had some people over to watch with us and at times it really felt like we were making them watch the VCR recording of our children's middleschool musical. prop peices fell on musicians, there were sound issues i didnt even know could occur in non-D-side productions, like mic's not working forcing stage hands to dash on and switch them out mid performance, sniffling, whispering and (rightfully, because it was a circus) GIGGLING from the audience heard louder then the actual performers, people couldnt read the prompters, the cameraman had clearly been drinking and kept cue-ing the cameras to the losers, not the winners, like dolly parton after she did NOT win best original score, thank god, also the camera kept awkwardly zooming so close to the performers you could practically count their blackheads and had no sense of the layout of the scenes they were reenacting, the orchestra insisted on cutting people off and turning off their mics mid-speech, even the 78 year old life time acheivement winner, liza was in fine form by which i mean, completely incoherent but amidst the chaos seemed positively eloquent, and lastly, the host was a complete waste of space with the comedic timing of a cucumber except for his closing number that actually sort of made it all worth it and i just looked up the lyrics for your enjoyment. (turns out he didnt even write it, its by Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman, who wrote “Hairspray”)

TONIGHT, TONIGHT
THE TONY’S WERE TONIGHT
AND ELTON’S BILLY WAS ALL THE RAGE

(cut to Angela Lansbury)
WHAT CLASS, WHAT DRIVE
NOW ANGELA’S WON FIVE
AND SHE HOOKED UP WITH “POISON” BACKSTAGE!

WITH HEELS AS SORE AS POOR ACHILLES
THREE TUTU WEARING BILLYS
WERE SUCH A WINNING SIGHT
TONIGHT ALL THREE
WON TONYS PLUS THEY HIT PUBERTY!

AND GEOFFREY WON A TONY TONIGHT
KAREN WON A TONY TONIGHT
LIZA AT THE PALACE
MR. RIPLEY’S DAUGHTER ALICE
THEY ALL WON A TONY TONIGHT!

“Credits? That’s not gonna stop me!”

CHRIS SIEBER PLEASE
PERFORMING ON YOUR KNEES?
DUDE, THAT ONLY WORKS TO WIN GOLDEN GLOBES

I HOPE TONIGHT
WHEN THEY’RE HIGH AS A KITE
TO BE THERE WHEN THE “HAIR” CAST DISROBES

THIS SHOW COULD NOT BE ANY GAYER
IF LIZA WAS NAMED MAYOR
AND ELTON JOHN TOOK FLIGHT

THE CURTAIN FALLS
I’M OFF TO HIT SOME BIG TONY BALLS!
GOODNIGHT!